Self-Help Resources

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Continuing Education

Training Boys To Be Men

The items below, presented in no particular order, form the basis for a structured parenting program offered by Clay Watkins through Village Counseling Center in Arroyo Grande, California. Each item represents a training topic that can be integrated into an activity or homework assignment with boys of various ages.

Organization & Decision Making

Decisiveness: Saying "yes" to one priority always involves saying "no" to others.
Sacrifice: Counting the cost of your goals early makes persistence easier later.
Dreams: The difference between dreams and goals is decision.
Neatness: A little effort to be neat now reaps great benefits in productivity later.
Filing: A well-organized filing system is worth its weight in gold.
Computers: Computer and Internet skills that save time and increase productivity.
To-Do Lists: Keeping an updated To-Do list with 3 categories: Do ASAP, Do Soon and Do Eventually
Focus: Successful people limit the number of their goals, then commit strongly to them.
Goals: Making goals positive, attainable, measurable, modifiable and incremental.
Long-term Goals: Exploring and setting goals for 5, 10, 20 and 50 years in the future.
Assertiveness: Knowing the difference between passivity, aggressiveness and assertiveness
Time Management: Learning to structure your time so it does not get away from you.
Punctuality: Being punctual tells others they are important to you, and it also requires you to be honest with yourself about what you can do and what you want to do.
Integrity: Being a man of your word, even when you pay a price to do so; the value of integrity
Dependability: Where there’s a will there’s a way. We do what we want to do. Dependability is a choice.
Courage: Courage does not mean eliminating fear, rather it means you act in spite of your fear. Learning to meet your fears head-on.
Courage: Overcoming fear involves decision, education, consultation, experimentation and action.
Leadership: To be a great leader you must first learn how and when to follow; leadership styles
Teaching: To be an excellent teacher you must first learn to be an excellent student; teaching styles
Balance: Defining the fine line between being a committed person and being obsessed.
History: Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Know history and learn from it.
Success: Success is 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration.
Self-control: Self-control and discipline are often the only skills separating a winner from a loser.

Money and the American Work Ethic

Saving: Save part of every paycheck and it will grow large before you know it.
Investing: Recognizing a good deal; getting rich slow; various investing concepts
Work Ethic: Hard work builds character, patience, endurance and success.
Budgeting: Control your money--don’t let it control you.
Borrowing: The borrower is the lender’s slave, so borrow carefully.
Credit: The importance of building good credit; keys to careful usage of credit.
Balance: Defining the fine line between holding high standards and being a perfectionist.
Collecting: Sports cards and memorabilia, Pokemon, Beanie Babies, stamps
Giving: Give a part of each paycheck to help others and your life will be fuller because of it.
Planning: People don’t plan to fail--they fail to plan. Work smarter, not harder. Don’t let the urgent crowd out the important. Being proactive. Prioritizing and managing your goals.
Persistence: Persistence is one more distinguishing characteristic between winners and losers.
Priorities: People are more important than things. Prioritize your life or others will prioritize it for you.
Teamwork: Together Everyone Achieves More; learning to work with others.
Support: You are only as good as the people with whom you surround yourself.
People: Four types of people in business: Honest and Giving (the rarest), Honestly Competitive, Dishonest but Predictable, Dishonest but Unpredictable (most dangerous).
Risk: Like the turtle, you have to stick your neck out to get anywhere. In soccer, you can’t score if you never shoot.
Failure: Every failure means you are one step closer to success. Example: Thomas Edison
Fun: True success must include some fun or what good is it?
Career: Find a job you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.
Balance: True success lies somewhere between the extremes of laziness and workaholism.
Quality: Buy the best and only cry once.
Money/Power: Managing your money well gives you more power and more options in life.
Career: Career categories include: entrepreneur, professional, sales, white collar, blue collar
Sales: All of life involves sales. Learn to be a good salesman and it will benefit you all your life.

Relationships, Character, Morals, Beliefs, Life Skills

Friends: Pick your friends wisely, because who they are is who you will become.
Friends: What a true friend is; how to maintain friendships; building a support network.
Character: Every word, action and decision you make brings you closer or farther away from the person you want to be.
Integrity: Say what you mean, mean what you say, and you’ll earn respect from yourself and others.
Honesty: Tell the truth and you only have to remember one story; honesty and a clear conscience.
Failure: It is never too late to become the person you were meant to be. Few choices in life are permanent--some just cost more than others.
Consequences: Accepting negative consequences like a man; learning from every choice in life.
Independence: When you can do for yourself, do so. There are plenty of opportunities in life to depend on others without creating more; balancing enough and too much independence.
Dependence: Recognizing and dealing with dependent people; learning to say "no"; setting boundaries.
Balance: Balancing doing for others with doing for yourself; the difference between narcissism and healthy self-respect
Victim Status: We always have more options than we think we have. There are very few real victims.
Respect: Priciples of winning friends and influencing people. Being assertive, introducing yourself, offering a firm handshake and a smile, remembering people's names.
Respect: Every time you interact with someone you train them either to respect or disrespect you.
Appearance: People initially judge you on your outward appearance. Dress for your next job.
Confidence: Confidence is a mixture of decision, preparation, experience and attitude.
Hygiene: You only get one chance to make a first impression. Cleanliness is worth the effort.
Drugs/Alcohol: A man’s got to know his limitations. Get high on life and substances will never be necessary.
Addictions: Facts about drugs, alcohol, gambling, sexual and online addictions
Peer Pressure: Saying no; being popular; parties; dealing with criticism and ridicule
Gun Safety: Knowledge about guns; gun safety skills
Beliefs: Those who do not stand for something will fall for anything; knowing what you believe.
Spirituality: World view; theology; meaning of life; the afterlife
Conflict: Conflict resolution; anger management; understanding your emotional buttons
Role Models: Choosing your heroes; whose opinion is valuable and whose is not
Family: Be nice to your family--they are going to be around for a long time.
Courtesy: Saying "thank you", "yes sir", "yes ma’am"; table manners; thank you notes; letters; emails
Heritage: Knowing your heritage and being proud of it.
Diplomacy: A diplomat tells a woman whose face could stop a clock, “Madame, when I look into your face, time stands still.”
Spin: There are always two ways of describing anything. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Reason: Logic; objectivity; science;, research; problem-solving skills
Verbal Defense: Verbal self-defense strategies; comebacks; argumentation; debate; study of fallacy
Pluralism: Reasonable people can disagree; the skill of disagreeing without devaluing
Absolutes: What is always true and what is relative or just sometimes true; situational ethics
Positivity: Being positive is a choice followed by practice.
Happiness: Happiness requires a marriage of choice, belief and attitude.
Control: When you strive to control your environment, you will naturally conflict people who need to control you.
Education: Knowledge is power. Wisdom is knowledge under control.
Education: College versus the school of hard knocks, structure versus freedom, the military
Education: One must learn how to learn before one can truly learn. Curiosity is key to real learning.
Education: How to take effective notes; how to write effectively
Reading: The key to a life of learning is reading, so learn to love it.
The Mind: Garbage in, garbage out. Television, movies, video games, fantasy games and how they affect the mind and character
Math: Math builds on the basics, so learn them well before moving on to more complex concepts.
Love: Love is 90% decision, 10% feeling.
Sex: How men use love to get sex, and women use sex to get love; mechanics; birth control
The Body: Male-female differences; phases of physical development
Masculinity: Real men don’t eat quiche; emotions; toughness; sensitivity; communication skills
Self-Defense: How to defend yourself and those you love; locks; security; awareness of one’s surroundings
Survival Skills: Camping; backpacking; emergency medical skills; surviving in the woods
Domestic Skills: Cooking; cleaning; sewing; organizing; time management
Communication: Conversational skills; humor; non-verbal communication; active listening skills; initiating
Nature: Plants; animals; birds; fish; insects; weather; astronomy; science; appreciating beauty
Pets: Pet maintenance and benefits
Adaptability: Security=knowing that you can survive and adapt to any problem that presents itself
Feminism: History of women’s place in society; a person’s value versus their role or job
Patriotism: Freedoms, rights and privileges. American history and the role of government.
Current Events: Reading the newspaper; staying up on local, national and world events
Women: Know the rules; “the points system”; how to attract, treat and maintain a relationship with a woman
Friendship: Levels of intimacy; conversational skills.
Dating: Choosing the right woman; classy versus trashy; matching up values; levels of intimacy
Manipulation: Looking out for number one when you need to; recognizing a con when you see one
Guilt: Know the difference between a healthy conscience and unhealthy guilt.
Social Skills: How to deal with difficult people
Parenting: How to train your parent(s).
Labeling: Labeling ourselves and others positively; building self-esteem
Self-esteem: Self-esteem is a combination of feeling competent and feeling loved and valued
Big Decisions: Crucial life decisions versus non-crucial life decisions; safety; health; crime; credit; marriage
The Law: Morality versus legality; doing the right thing even when it costs you
Race: Race; culture; economics; class; attitudes and their affect on social outcomes
Judgment: The difference between having good judgment and being judgmental, between deciding and choosing
Responsibility: Admitting and learning from mistakes; asking forgiveness; taking responsibility; letting go of ego
Mental Health: Never stop learning and you will never stop growing.
Sports: The role of sports among men; character development through sports
Competition: Balancing competitiveness and drive (in sports and life) with relationships and fun.
Physical Health: Fitness; diet; medicine; biology
The Arts: Finding artistic expression through art, dance, music and writing
Travel: Expanding your horizons and broadening your understanding through travel.
Shop Skills: How to fix things; woodworking; metal work; electronics; auto repair

Our director, Clay Watkins, M.A. LMFT, a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Our director, Clay Watkins, LMFT, is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. He provides individual, couples and family counseling. He specializes in anxiety-related difficulties including panic attacks, post-traumatic stress (PTSD) and phobias. He has advanced training and a decade of experience utilizing EMDR to treat trauma, and his unique brand of counseling integrates a solution-focused perspective that often speeds up the therapy process compared to more traditional forms of counseling. (BBS License #: MFC 37239)
Clay's Curriculum Vitae

Clay coordinates referrals to a network of experienced and qualified counselors with a variety of specialties to meet your specific needs. Contact him today and start creating a better life for you and your family.

Philosophy

At Village Counseling Center we believe most people have the resources to solve their problems. At times, however, a trauma or broken relationships or even the normal pressures of life can cause us to lose sight of our strengths; obscuring our natural ability to problem solve. Counseling provides a safe place where clients can regain their perspective, find acceptance, and challenge themselves to grow. And though true growth does require significant effort and courage, we at Village Counseling Center believe happiness is worth the price. Call us and begin building a better life, one risk at a time.

Learn more about Solution-Focused Therapy

Learn more about EMDR and the treatment of trauma, fear and anxiety